The Chores Nobody Assigned: Split the Housework and Yard Work Between Family and Hired Hands

Every household has a list of jobs that stops working the day a parent can no longer climb a ladder or carry a laundry basket down the stairs. The question is not whether someone does those jobs. It is which pile each job lands in before you call anyone.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Write the full list first

Walk the house with a notepad and write every recurring task, including the ones nobody thinks of as work: trash and recycling out, bins back in, light bulbs, filter swaps, snow and leaf clearing, grocery runs, pharmacy pickups, mail, linens, dishes, and the weekly bathroom clean. Next to each one, write how often it happens and how long it takes. A task with no frequency is the one that gets dropped in the second week.

Sort every task into three piles

Family keeps the tasks that need a relationship more than a skill, such as sitting with your parent, deciding what goes on the grocery list, and checking the mail for bills that need attention. A paid non-medical helper can take light housekeeping, laundry, meal preparation, and errands. That helper can also give medication reminders and pick up a prescription as an errand. Handing out, administering, sorting, or managing medicine stays with the family, the doctor, and the pharmacist, and the helper should not be asked to do any of it. A trade takes the work that needs a ladder, a roof, gas, or wiring, including gutters, tree limbs, and furnace service. Do not hand those jobs to a helper and hope for the best.

Know what the benefit will and will not pay

Medicare home health coverage is built around skilled care at home, and the aide visits it covers are tied to that skilled care. It does not pay for housework on its own (Medicare.gov, Home health services). Chores you buy privately are your cost. Some in-home help for older adults in Missouri is paid through waiver programs administered by Missouri DSS, so ask whether a homemaker or chore service is part of an approved plan (Missouri DSS, MO HealthNet home and community-based services). Aging Ahead can tell you what is available in the St. Louis area. Do not assume coverage exists until someone shows you the approved service list in writing.

Count the employer duties if you hire directly

When you hire a person directly to do household work, you may be the household employer for tax purposes. The IRS Household Employer's Tax Guide (Publication 926) explains when wages and payroll taxes apply. Read it, then ask a tax preparer to confirm your situation. The helper's hours and the tax duties both belong on paper before the first shift.

Compare the terms that cause trouble later

Ask every candidate or agency the same questions and get the answers in writing. How many hours per week, on which days, and what is the minimum shift? Who buys cleaning supplies and groceries, and who is reimbursed? If the helper drives your parent's car or their own, who carries the insurance? Who pays if something is broken, and what happens when the helper is sick and nobody covers the visit? Write the answers on a one-page task sheet and name the family member who checks it once a month.

If a question turns on a lease, a will, or a dose of medicine, stop here. A Missouri lawyer or your parent's physician takes over at that point. The planning sheet you have just built is the thing to bring to them. For more help finding local programs, see Local Help With Paying for Care.